Apprehensive about the voodoo of unending depression that I was undergoing, Sonam Tashi, a friend of mine (senior journalist working with Bhutan Times) wrote a letter of consolation to me, a prodigy in its disposition. This letter was timely that helped me throw away the depression that has blanketed me in recent time. Read it below, the best letter I have ever received in my life:
A rendezvous of two lovers, once a joyous place, has now turned to a graveyard. With the tall grasses in Kanglung, his pains are growing within. He had never dreamt or imagined that the face of his love could change within a flick of time. Here, another great man fell in love and now I see him sinking in the sea of betrayal and heartbroken.
I have a message for you and a story to share, my friend. Maybe it can help to bring back your spirit of life.
It was a beautiful April night, back at Sherubtse college, when I too fell in love. Like in a maxim that says a pure love takes years to sprout in our hearts or like the roses outside my classroom, my love for my ladylove bloomed big and deep. You know it very well man. As you too were there, then. This was the time when I started singing incomplete love songs of 'The Beatles'. That time I flew with the colorful butterflies and slept on the ocean of dreams.
Every time I kissed her, I felt like I was experiencing the joy of the Heaven, that of cosmic atmosphere. Without a taste of her sweet lips, I couldn’t go to sleep. Such was my love for my ladylove that I didn’t mind waiting for her hours outside her hostel room, braving monsoon rain and summer heat. Such was my love for her that I could run without meals for days to keep her happy, and such was my love for her that even I dared to sacrifice my life for her without regret. Perhaps it was too much, I realized now, but the truth is that I loved her wholeheartedly, unconditionally.
My friend, you know that the day when she showed me her back, it was disheartening, devastating. Really devastating! Thousand bells rang in my ears and I felt a very painful experience of my soul leaving my body. Then, horrific darkness embraced me completely.
I didn’t know whom to blame. Certainly, she was the first person to be accused for no man has a heart to take love for granted and she betrayed a heart that loves her unconditionally. Indeed, the guy who played a dirty game between us was also be blamed for he tricked the two harmonious lovebirds deliberately though he could not hold her for long. For she wasn’t of his type, mentally. But the huge blame came back to me like a boomerang for I gave my heart unconditionally, selflessly.
"There's something wrong in me," I contemplated recklessly. Why me of the whole world? Why me? The fate punished me for giving my heart to her, I reasoned it as unfair treatment from God.
You know my friend, down along the Viewpoint road at several nights, I used to walk alone talking and of course consoling my ravaged heart, “Hey! Why are you crying? It's OK man. You will build a new life, oblivion of your infamous past.” But my heart kept crying uncontrollably like an infant whose mom had left him alone in adversity.
Up above Khangma, I used to strolled solitary like a ghostly figure, brushing against gentle wind whispering to it to carry my earnest message to my ladylove: “Your heart was not so bad but your mind is. Why suddenly and why didn’t you tell me before so that I would have been prepared?”
And I believed the gentle wind did convey my message to her but she never came back to me. For years, I waited for her.
Hey, but it is also true that with the changing seasons, she started fading away slowly from my memory. And my heart no longer craves for her. Today, I hardly remember her and her once sweet smiles.
For these long years, more than half a decade, I had been single. Every time I see women from that angle, I remember those sleepless nights, crying all time, suffering. Today, my mood hardly swings because I have no love life to bother me and I am happy to be single. Seriously, now, I can focus on my works and excel my interest.
You asked me how I could forget her completely. Ask me? It wasn’t easy, though. I had recalled all those bad things that she did unto me when we were together. It is always not easy to forget if you flashback all those good things she did for you. The moment she came on my mind, I used to recall those pricking words that she used to uttered to me and her awkward gestures.
Thus, slowly, I could forget her. Today as she is no more with me, I sometimes smile in sheer fondness recollecting how she used to cry when I failed to meet her or forgot to gift her with a rose on the Rose Day.Friend, if you still cannot forget her, spend your time with your friends. They will cheer you up. We have a nice, supportive bunch of friends.
Seriously, life is beautiful with or without women. It depends upon one’s take. For me, it’s more beautiful without women but I am also prepared to spend my life with a decent woman.