Being Ugly is a Terrible Curse?

Following is a chat history between me and TsheYring, a postgraduate student (social works) in India. Also, she was one of the top three finalists at Miss Bhutan Beauty Pageant 2008. Very beautiful and generous with charismatic personality, she is actively involved in various social activities like counseling HIV/AIDS patients, helping orphans and poor at  various slums in Delhi. She blogs about issues related to women in Bhutan. She is also aiming her big dream of coming up with Cornea Association in Bhutan soon. In a chat below, she questioned the biased stereotype perception of men’s attraction towards beautiful girls to date.

TsheYring: Would you love the fragrance of flower or its color? 

Riku: Color! And both if given two options. But what trick’s here? 

TsheYring: No trick!

Riku: Then? I chose color…

TsheYring: OK! Now tell me one thing…

Riku: Sure

TsheYring: If you date a girl…umm…what would you look into that girl? You’ve just  seen that girl a couple of times

Riku: I go for looks of that girl, beauty first. But what attracts me afterwards is her personality, character

TsheYring: Tell me frankly la…honestly! So…You think firstly a girl has to be pretty to date. Is that what you want to say, right? And what is a beautiful girl to you?

Riku: Correct! A beautiful girl is a joy to behold. She is exciting, mesmerizing and is slim, spotless and stunning of form and of countenance.

TsheYring: Mmm…So you mean every girl needs to be pretty to go for date?

Riku: For me, it is must; the first criteria that I look for in a girl to date. But if this pretty girl appeared dumb, snobbish, immoral or full of vanity or has promising ego then I may lose interest in her. However, presentable looks can do

TsheYring: Don’t talk about that right now

Riku: OK! I promise

TsheYring: Mmmm…So now if I generalize all men want pretty girl for date nee? Can I interpret this way?

Riku: Don’t. This is my opinion, but, yeah, most men would rather date a beautiful girl than a less attractive girl. It is to impress their friends, I think.

TsheYring: Alright! Particularly for you the looks of a girl is must

Riku: Men go for pretty girl to date, but for serious relationship they usually go for the history or character of a girl

TsheYring: Ok, you are giving me two concepts. Now honestly tell me…

Riku: I will. Ask me, my opinion, not general

TsheYring: Would you love a deformed girl?

Riku: Ah! [I scratched my head] It’s conditional. Umm…[I murmured].

TsheYring: Tell me. Tell me!

Riku: I can give my love as a protector, parental one, but as a lover… Ha-ha!

TsheYring: She will be physically challenged, but has perfect character, pure, lovely and starkly clean history. Will you date and marry her?

Riku: Hey, I will relate you an incident. Suppose that I have a beautiful girlfriend or fiancee or wife but after a few years she meets a dreadful accident which paralyzes or deforms her. In this case, I will still accept her, love her as before

TsheYring: Listen to me! She will be untouched, very chaste. Would you accept her, love and live with her forever?

Riku: Ha-ha!

Tsheyring: You changed the situation now. So that means the priority is for pretty girls nee?

Riku: Hey, I can’t date a deformed girl and marry her even if she was chaste or kindhearted. I can’t. Never!

TsheYring: Tell me, why do you want to date pretty girls? That means love is only for pretty girls? Do you think in this world there’s space for only those pretty girls for love and happiness? Are they just worth?

Riku: Umm… Ugly girl is simply ugly, doesn’t have outward beauty. If she is beautiful, her beauty is within. What about you? You go for only good looking men to date?

TsheYring: Answer me, Riku! But mind you, the success of a relationship is not dependent on the physical appearance of a girl. What makes girl astounding is not her looks, it’s her overall outlooks on life. She has true beauty if she has beautiful heart. The truth is that outward beauty go stale with age. Whereas, inner beauty lasts forever. Ultimately, what matters is the joy and radiance she brings to your home and to your life.

Riku: Whatever, you have strikingly jabbed at me with this pertinent question. This question has to be asked to all men with such prejudiced perception about girls. However, I can partly blame our ancestors for prioritizing only those pretty girls. They should have treated all girls equally, with same respect despite diagnosing beauty and ugly. So that I wouldn’t have prioritized beautiful girl and feel disgusted at ugly.

TsheYring: Well, you’ve rightly pointed my next question. But first, ask yourself. What do you really want from out of the relationship? A home of happiness and success or a girl you can stare at all day for her beauty but who doesn’t have a clue how to make you happy or how to manage a home or simply unfaithful to you.

Riku: But it will be a difficult for the 21st Century men to change this mentality. It’s ingrained in our minds.

TsheYring: How do you define ugly? What is ugly for you? Ha-ha! You know what we called this in social term?

Riku: Not exactly

TsheYring: Those people who have such biased perception are known as the people who have VESTED INTEREST

Riku: Oh! And it also didn’t spare me. I too profess this belief. Ha-ha! And I see myself as a victim of this prejudiced perception

TsheYring: Exactly! You know we people are really hypocrite. We speak good, act generous, impartial, yet deviant nature or crooked intention lies within us. 

Riku: Right. We really need to change our attitude towards life and society

TsheYring: We are choosy and hypocrite. We are not what we portray to other. That’s why we are known as human beings.