Phoja's Absurdity

I am a man. Bhutanese man. And phoja is a term that lauds the precious pride and honour of being the one in Bhutan. Some called it Kay phoja. Fortunate, I would be proclaiming certain personal merits and privileges by virtue of being born as phoja that my sisters are deprived of.

                 

“Tough guise” is the predominant ambience of being phoja. That being said, from my own granny, parents, siblings, teachers to my friends-they always wanted me to be tough, masculine, strong, controlled and powerful. In order to survive, to resolve problems and more importantly to prove the society that I am a phoja, I have to unmistakably show my strength. Sorry, I can never engage in dialogue and settle down any conflict coolly. I would say, “Who is that jhandey? I will hunt down him like a pig and slaughter him, jedhaaa!” Too aggressive and explicit violence, no? Perhaps this could be the sole reason as the international researchers have found out that 99 percent of rape, domestic and dating violence and murder come from men.

Meanwhile, wussy, wimpy and sissy are in stark contrast to my personality and they are unacceptable. Any of these traits had I imbibed, then the society would call me chakka or aumsu morem, a societal ego-bruising insult that I would better be a woman. Didn’t you apprehend here the societal prejudice to women as a lesser human over men? 
 
Pic: Typical Bhutanese foods to keep phoja strong. Perhaps 3 plates a meal

It’s even more interesting to note down another point here. In our society my personal merit is also determined by the number of women I would have sex in my life. Sorry for being overtly blunt, but, it is quite true. The mathematics here is very simple. As the number of women I sleep with increases, my merits and indestructible pride would climb on its graph and I hail it as a big achievement. Leksho! A lunatic achievement, though, ha-ha!

You may get ambushed, dare I say, married men are most active and never give up adding onto their number. Admire their sexathon, a sort of Casanova adventure.  

As our tradition would have it, a phoja must cut his kera after each hundredth woman he had sex. Sounds like crazy, doesn’t it? It is. Gosh, I came across many phoja who had cut their first and even third kera. They proudly assert to his friends or even to strangers about their coveted achievements. That’s also with real gusto. And there you see his listeners (even women) admire  his accomplishment and applaud and knight him, “Key phoja” I know it gave you a nasty shock.

However, the sad reality is that if a woman changes her boyfriends frequently she is supposedly the woman of low morale, slut-or in our own word, tshe-tom. It would cause me more head scratching if my wife or wives sleep with another man. Our society will consider me chochow, worthless that my wang ta lungta or shoey dha soenam, the self-integrity has been damaged irreparably and that I can never prosper or again live a happy life. This will be my inevitable fate. Just imagine what sort of chauvinistic fate my wife or wives would encounter? Even in this GNH nation, the gender discrimination is apparent and it is yet to fork out.

As a phoja, I wouldn’t whine so much. But much as I hated to admit, we gossip a lot and eve tease. And the women with whom we had sex are the talks or victims of our gossips.

I have this typical character. The next morning, my daughter would ask me Nu 10, for she needs to buy pencils. I get mad at her and shout, “Gachi gi tiru. Pha shong!” and I would chase her away. But when I visit a liquor shop (which I do it every evening), I would insist hard on my friends or colleagues to drink beers. Always, I am ready to sponsor. If they deny, I would even drag them to drink.  

And I am never old. Even in 70s I would be pleasuring myself in honour of the young ladies. Wealth is one of the factors. I would buy more kanchi with my wealth. However, to maintain myself sexually healthy would be a challenge in my old age. Never worry! I would order hornet from Tsirang and Dagana which stimulates healthier sex life.

I am proud to be a phoja. Are you?