We all only have this very moment

Last week, I was in Phuentsholing. One late afternoon, I set out for walk, so in particular to watch the sunset. I don’t know precisely why, but I just love watching the sun turning into so magical, gorgeous as it sets. To put it politely, I feel the grace and glory in it; in fact, bigger than that.  

On the way, hundreds of Indian laborers were returning to their home after earning their daily wages. Ah, all smiles on their faces. A handful of elderly people were running and stretching out on the road; also, twirling the prayer beads.

A few miles far north from the City, I stood on a handsome milestone, alone, watching the sun and feeling amazed, mesmerized. Sitting atop the west horizon, the sun was stark golden and feverishly beautiful. So were the sky, clouds and horizon. So to say, it never failed to throw me into a snapping, picture frenzy. My heart was exalted and triumphant, feeling blessed. 

A little while on, this beautiful sun slowly started going down, behind the horizon. Suddenly, I felt sad. I learned that after a little moment this beautiful sun would completely go behind the horizon, inevitably though. And the more I thought about it, my mind grew more and more restless. I became worried, distracted and irritated.

However, the beautiful sun was still there, shimmering mesmerizing. But it’s I who was so eaten and preoccupied by anxiety and grief. I was panicking (unnecessarily though) that the sun would be lost after a moment. Sad, I forgot to feel and enjoy the beauty and blessing of the present moment, the beautiful sunset.  

And watching this sunset, a realization seeped into my consciousness like a dose of thoughtfulness. I realized that we all only have this very moment. And this moment is our life. But often, fear, anxiety and preoccupation hampers it.

To be honest with you, I was a preoccupied and easily distractible person. I rarely engaged in just one activity. Often I was doing many things at a time, poorly though. When I went out for movies, I was never really there and I started thinking of my unpaid electricity and water bills. While holidaying, I thought of my unfinished office correspondences and returned to Thimphu in the middle of my holiday. Once I reached back here, I landed up doing nothing (except ruining my holiday).

While writing this post, many household activities (that were left undone) cropped up in my mind. I wanted to do my laundry, water flowers, do shopping, and also read a gorgeous book. And lo, I made this post a terrible one. Oh!

I was never really there in anything that I’d do. The truth is that I had missed my life. I had missed or wasted my life like the way I missed the beautiful sunset in front of me.  

The sun started setting, gradually, leaving behind deep-red pink glow. I stood watching it, but this time, paying all attention to it and enjoying the richness and fullness of the moment. It felt so different, to be engaged in my life, so much better.