However, we cruised back to recollecting its name
in a crazed hope. We, several times, attempted giving it up. Worse, we could do
it for a few minutes only. Yet again we were fighting hard to recollect it for
we read it in our school textbooks. You know that even when we were school
students we used to do inky mink pong key (check the spellings) while
attempting for the multiple-choice questions and the matter was closed. But
we’ve never thought so hard before like this. And it’s unnecessarily dragging
us into terrible insanity. God help us!
Then, we applied extra efforts. We made countless
phone calls to our friends and relatives. Finally, we got the damn name for
jackfruit in Dzongkha. It’s dramzey. We exchanged loud sighs of
satisfaction, ah!
We resumed snacking on the corn bread and sipping
hot coffee. But this only reminded me to share you a similar incident with you.
My friend, you know, each time I wake up from my bed, I start searching. I
don’t know exactly what I’m searching for. At times I wonder that I’m
stretching out for something that remains tantalizingly out of my reach like
the shaft of light falling into my room that comes from beyond the horizon,
beyond the reach of my logical mind. But I yearn for it, desperately though.
I search for it so uninterruptedly and so
obsessively in my washroom and breakfast. My quest to clinch this missing thing
also goes on in my dresses and car. And later in my office, in colleagues,
lunch, friends, relatives, parents. All to no avail!
Perhaps this is the question any human can ask
themselves most frequently. I go to someone close to me hoping that I may find
what I am searching for. But most grownups really are idiotic. They’re
vaingloriously engrossed in the triviality of everyday existence. They only
talk about unimportant things: money, properties, overseas trainings, kids,
relationships, loan, fame and power. They think that the truth can be found
only in erecting big buildings, beautiful people, power and money. And they
counterattack or always try to give me the ready-made solutions. Some even
throw gibberish giggles at me and make fun of my inquiry mind.
I don’t want to be one of those people who take
the world for granted. I never want to let the corrupt society to corrode my
soul. This is the reason I feel exiled from the real world, rest of the people.
Though I feel fragile and quiet, sensitive and melancholic, I never stop
dwelling in a perpetual sense of expectation, of longing.
Later on, I return home, tuck a heavy quilt and
still hungry for the answer. Bitterness wells up in me and this keeps me up at
night, tossing and turning.
Next day I talk to young people, my niece and
nephews. I share my feelings with them. Their innocence, simplicity and
untainted minds speak that my answer lies in them. I become excitedly curious
and spend more time with them venting out my feelings. Even my presence makes
them happy. Give them a chocolate, they become happy. Buy them a doll, they
become happy. Do them good, they react instantly-they express happiness.
Photo: Gayatri
Oh jeez! I get my answer. Happiness is what I’ve been searching for. Before you leave, oh, let me ask you a few questions. Why do you work everyday to earn money? Why do you settle down with a person you love most and raise children? Why you always want to try for new things, meet new person or accumulate more wealth? Why you twirl the rosary and chant mantra? Aren’t you doing all this for your own happiness?
Oh jeez! I get my answer. Happiness is what I’ve been searching for. Before you leave, oh, let me ask you a few questions. Why do you work everyday to earn money? Why do you settle down with a person you love most and raise children? Why you always want to try for new things, meet new person or accumulate more wealth? Why you twirl the rosary and chant mantra? Aren’t you doing all this for your own happiness?
well happiness comes in many form ,,i want to have a peace of mind but then i see this car ,,i get this car but then i see a new model,,i get in a relation find out it doesnt work go for another one ,,can we all be ever happy,,i guess contentment is the answer but then the stomach doesnt understand contentment ,,i work to survive and survive to work,,its all messed up ,,,,, u tell me?what is happiness and i will try getting at it...
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