My birthday!

The sun is barely making it over the mountains. Its rays just start slanting tantalizingly over the Thimphu valley. And by the window, at home, this morning, I sit reverent, reflective. The cool morning breeze is gently gushing across my face. Ah, the loveliness of morning. Tenderness. So much beauty. But, today…umm…today’s my Birthday! I’m, uh, 29 now.

But unlike on my past birthdays, very surprisingly, today I sit here reminiscing and wondering how I had spent those 29 years. And now I keep turning pages of my life, one by one. It’s full of milestones though. And a very long journey. I had travelled, in 29 years, between childhood and adulthood, between innocence and knowledge, between love and hatred, between laughter and tears, between hopes and chaos. I still carry all those memories with me. Some forgotten, others partially distorted, and many reverberating in my mind. And of course, all those memories make my life. Me. 29-year old.

I’ll tell you that my life so far has been intense, always, overwhelming. I had lived a very alert and bright childhood, I could tell. But, I too turned lousy in the later stage of my life.

Like any one of you, my wallet had been thick and thin. Or more aptly, thin often. I had done wrong, been wrong. Dismayed, confused, and anxious. Along the way, I had stumbled so many times, even hitting my lowest point. But I too learned to find ways to adjust to difficult circumstances and times.

Also, I had loved a woman so madly. More than ever had I guts to admit. I lost her, by the way. All along after that, I searched for another woman to love again, whom, I thought, could make me complete. I chose partners and changed partners. But now I learned that it’s not about finding the woman of my dream. It’s, more importantly, about finding the endurance and happiness within myself. Self-discovery, that is.

This 29 years, oddly, wonderfully, has taught me to become more patient. For better or worse, I’ve also become more honest in my exchanges, more clear in my priorities, more focused in what I do or work and more open to new ideas. I’ve developed more hope, more capacity within. Now I can dance better, walk farther.

Yet, I still have lots more to do and achieve in life. To do my masters, buy a car, build a house, settle down, travel across the world, and write good books. But I’m getting older and I’ve been realizing this. And to think about this transition (getting older) in life is sad, at times scary. But nevertheless, it’s inevitable. Right?

And the funniest truth? I still feel that I don’t quite understand fully about life. Honestly. Not even today, on my 29^th birthday. He-he. But with every passing day I feel that I’m just beginning to understand the miracle of life, little by little. And that’s the way of life-enigmatic. There’s meaning and majesty in just living. And so, surprise. Joy. Glory.

Still here, I sit. By the window, looking way up in the sky painted all in glorious blue. Oh, the sunlight is shimmering all over the hill, illuminating light, warmth and life. My mind is clear and awakened; my heart is filled with warmth, goodness, and gratefulness.

And now, right now, right here, on my 29^th birthday, I learn that we’ve to accept all this transitions in life. Let go of things which are irretrievable. And I’ve to ready myself for the next stage of my life, which I’m sure, will be full of great moments, realizations and wisdom.