Friday, September 24, 2010

A Letter of Consolation to my Bachelor Friend

Dear friend!

I hope you're enjoying your new job in the eastern Bhutan. How's your health and your new home?

You know after you left for your job lots of things happened here in Thimphu. Our friend Dawala is recently paired up with a beautiful girl and he's planning to settle down after his girlfriend completes her post-graduation from India. Pemala, that most carefree friend among us, has married his long-time girlfriend, Yangki. They are happily settled down. Very sad, Chenda impregnated a girl when he was on teaching practice at a remote school and now he is married too.

I'm doing well and everything is perfect here. Wangmo, my girlfriend is also doing great and as always we're very happy and planning to marry very soon.

Are you still trying on to a woman about whom you told me last time?

Dear friend, don’t burden yourself thinking that you're still single and  that all your friends are married or paired up with their girlfriends. Be happy single. Don’t insist yourself into a relationship which will hurt you ultimately. Love, you can never force into it. It should happen. Just wait. Following are some ADVICES I would like you to think over seriously:

1. Ignore peer pressure: In a couple-driven society like ours, you come across people who wonder why you're “single”. For them, it looks as if the ultimate goal in life is to pair up with another human being and your life depends on him or her. They might even start thinking that something is really "wrong" with you if you're single. Gay? Or Impotent? Or Biological defects? Ignore these people. Just say "I prefer being single” when they ask you about being single.

2. Focus on friendship: Being single doesn't mean to stay lonely. When you're single, you've more time to do a variety of things like making new friends, practicing compassion and social activities.

3. Enjoy your freedom: You've a lot of opportunities to try on new things. You'll be deprived of all these chances if your partner doesn't like what you do.

4. Appreciate the absence of compromise: It's generally believed that compromise, sacrifices are essential to a healthy relationship. You've been in a relationship before, you realized how much stuff you had to give up in order to make that relationship work. A relationship can add many good things to your life, but it also adds some rigidity, frustration, so take the time to appreciate your current flexibility.

5. Cherish the excitement: When you're single, the future is completely open. Today you're at your desk, and a year from now you might be camping at Mt. Everest.

My dear friend, I hope you would take my advices seriously and work towards being optimistic and happy in your single life. Being married is a lifestyle choice, not a requirement. Therefore, being single is a lifestyle choice and not a default option.

It's also possible to choose to be single. There are advantages to being married just as there are disadvantages to being married. Similarly, there are advantages to being single as well as disadvantages. Whether one is married or single is nothing more than a lifestyle choice. Be happy.

With best wishes!

Yours friend, Mindu

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