Last week, I was in
Phuentsholing. One late afternoon, I set out for walk, so in particular to
watch the sunset. I don’t know precisely why, but I just love watching the sun
turning into so magical, gorgeous as it sets. To put it politely, I feel the grace
and glory in it; in fact, bigger than that.
On the way, hundreds of Indian
laborers were returning to their home after earning their daily wages. Ah, all
smiles on their faces. A handful of elderly people were running and stretching
out on the road; also, twirling the prayer beads.
A few miles far north from
the City, I stood on a handsome milestone, alone, watching the sun and feeling amazed,
mesmerized. Sitting atop the west horizon, the sun was stark golden and
feverishly beautiful. So were the sky, clouds and horizon. So to say, it never
failed to throw me into a snapping, picture frenzy. My heart was exalted and
triumphant, feeling blessed.
A little while on, this
beautiful sun slowly started going down, behind the horizon. Suddenly, I felt
sad. I learned that after a little moment this beautiful sun would completely go
behind the horizon, inevitably though. And the more I thought about it, my mind
grew more and more restless. I became worried, distracted and irritated.
However, the beautiful sun
was still there, shimmering mesmerizing. But it’s I who was so eaten and
preoccupied by anxiety and grief. I was panicking (unnecessarily though) that
the sun would be lost after a moment. Sad, I forgot to feel and enjoy the
beauty and blessing of the present moment, the beautiful sunset.
And watching this sunset, a
realization seeped into my consciousness like a dose of thoughtfulness. I realized
that we all only have this very moment. And this moment is our life. But often,
fear, anxiety and preoccupation hampers it.
To be honest with you, I was
a preoccupied and easily distractible person. I rarely engaged in just one
activity. Often I was doing many things at a time, poorly though. When I went
out for movies, I was never really there and I started thinking of my unpaid
electricity and water bills. While holidaying, I thought of my unfinished
office correspondences and returned to Thimphu in the middle of my holiday.
Once I reached back here, I landed up doing nothing (except ruining my
holiday).
While writing this post,
many household activities (that were left undone) cropped up in my mind. I
wanted to do my laundry, water flowers, do shopping, and also read a gorgeous
book. And lo, I made this post a terrible one. Oh!
I was never really there in
anything that I’d do. The truth is that I had missed my life. I had missed or
wasted my life like the way I missed the beautiful sunset in front of me.
The sun started setting,
gradually, leaving behind deep-red pink glow. I stood watching it, but this
time, paying all attention to it and enjoying the richness and fullness of the
moment. It felt so different, to be engaged in my life, so much better.
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